Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
