new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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