When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
