At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
