ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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