Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
