just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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