My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
