so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize