so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
