i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
