I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
