So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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