Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
