Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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