I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
