I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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