Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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