yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
