thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
