Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
