Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
