dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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