u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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