I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
