You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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