Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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