Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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