he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
