this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My pussy is not your playground.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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