There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
