Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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