After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i out mim tonsoeep
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