Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize