he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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