Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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