In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
