when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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