Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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