I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
