he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
