The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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