I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
