Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize