Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
