no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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