He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
