I wish I could teleport
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
