You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
