Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
