well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
