I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
