Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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