I think i peed on brittanys purse
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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