So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
