Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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