I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
