he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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