Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
