How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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