Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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