I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
