Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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