hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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