bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
