I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
