oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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