I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
