Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You need Xanax blowdarts
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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